How can I stop my sex party and massage parlour compulsion?
DEAR DEIDRE: WITH over twenty five years of marriage to the loveliest woman under my belt, I feel nothing but guilt and am desperate to give up my shameful sex party and massage parlour habit.
I went to my first swingers party 20 years ago, shortly after my daughter was born.
My wife and I have always had a bland sex life that has never fulfilled me. I’m 56 and my wife’s 54.
I fantasised about something more exciting and often toyed with the idea of attending a sex party.
Typically frustrated, I found one in my local area and decided to try it ‘just once’. I told my wife I was out for a work drinks event.
When I stepped into the party, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Scenes of men and women flirting, undressing and in various stages of intimacy turned me on instantly.
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I was nervous but soon got talking to an attractive woman who was a bit younger than me. She was there with her husband and after a couple more we were having a threesome together.
The sex was incredible and I found myself having the best orgasms of my life. From then on I started regularly attending these parties.
However, as exciting as they were, I soon found they weren’t enough for me and I began getting massages at parlours where I could have a happy ending.
My wife doesn’t suspect a thing but I’m fed up with cheating on her and don’t really get any satisfaction these days from either the sex parties or massage parlours.
I can’t allow the guilt of what I’m doing to eat away at me anymore.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Twenty years of this double life is clearly taking its toll and you’re fed up of lying.
This can’t continue as you’re risking not only your health, but also your wife’s.
You’re caught in a compulsively destructive cycle and are likely to have a sex addiction.
The good news is you can overcome this but some expert support will help you give up and avoid a relapse.
You sound motivated and ready to turn your life around – a crucial step in any recovery.
Contact The Laurel Centre (thelaurelcentre.co.uk, tel: 01926 339594)who offer individually tailored sex addiction therapy and porn addiction counselling.
You can also look at Pivotal Recovery (www.pivotalrecovery.org) which is an affordable, online, therapy-based programme to quit porn addiction, sex addiction and compulsive sexual behaviours.