From sarcasm to big dinners – the 5 easy-to-miss signs your loved one is depressed and how to help them

IF a loved one is feeling depressed, you might be tipped off if they dip out of activities they usually enjoy or suddenly seem to be down and anxious.

Indeed, sadness, tearfulness and losing interest in hobbies are typical signs of the condition most people can recognise.

But depression affects everyone differently and it can actually manifest in ways you might not expect.

Some surprising cues from your loved one may indicate that they’re going though a hard time with their mental health and could use some support.

While some people believe that depression is trivial and something you can get over if you set your mind to it, it is actually a serious condition that affects around one in 10 people over the course of their lives.

It impacts people of all genders and ages – including children – and nobody will experience it in exactly the same way.

If left untreated without either therapy or medication, depression can spiral out of control.

But with the right support, most people make a full recovery, according to the NHS.

Speaking to The Sun, Dr Rina Bajaj, counselling psychologist and author of ‘The Magic in Me’, shares some less obvious symptoms which might help you spot the condition in a loved one.

1. Heightened productivity

While depression is commonly associated with decreased motivation and productivity, some people may experience the opposite effect.

“They may throw themselves into work, projects, or other activities as a way to distract themselves from their underlying emotional pain,” Dr Rina explained.

“This excessive focus on achievement can be a way to escape negative thoughts and emotions temporarily.”

It’s important to pay attention to whether this productivity is driven by genuine fulfilment or if it seems to be a way to avoid addressing underlying issues.

“Encourage your loved one to maintain a healthy work-life balance and seek support if needed,” she explained.

2. Inappropriate humour

Many of us use humour as a defence mechanism to cope with stressful or difficult situations.

However, engage in “excessive” joking, sarcasm is often a way people suffering with depression deflect from their true feelings, the expert said.

It can be challenging to differentiate between genuine humour and a cry for help, so it’s important to observe patterns and changes in their behaviour.

The psychologist added: “If you suspect someone may be using humour to mask their depression, gently express your concern and offer a safe space for them to open up.”

3. Unusual sensitivity to criticism

While people with depression are more likely to self-depreciate they are also more sensitive to criticism from others.

They might also react strongly to what they believe to be criticism – even if it is constructive or well-intentioned.

“This sensitivity can stem from heightened self-doubt and a negative perception of themselves,” Dr Rina said.

“It’s important to be mindful of how you provide feedback and offer support and understanding when they express feeling hurt by criticism,” she advised.

4. Changes in appetite

Your loved one’s dinner table habits can also be a marker of whether they’re struggling with depression.

Some people may lose their appetite when they’re going through a hard time and start to lose weight.

But others may start eating more than usual, according to mental health charity Mind.

Zishan Khan, a psychiatrist with Mindpath Health, tells Everyday Health: “For many, changes in appetite can be one of the earlier signs of being depressed or even a warning sign of an upcoming depressive episode.”

5. Physical aches and pains

For some, depression may manifest itself in a physical way.

A person struggling with their mental health may start noticing physical aches and pains that don’t seem to have an obvious cause.

According to Madhukar Trivedi, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Texas Southwest Medical School, physical symptoms are common in depression.

“In fact, vague aches and pain are often the presenting symptoms of depression,” he writes in a report published to The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry.

“These symptoms include chronic joint pain, limb pain, back pain, gastrointestinal problems, tiredness, sleep disturbances, psychomotor activity changes, and appetite changes.”

Moving very slowly, or seeming restless and agitated are some additional ways depression can make itself known physically.

Other common symptoms to look out for

There are many symptoms of depression, the NHS says, some of which can interfere with your work, social life and family life if they persist.

Here are other symptoms of depression, according to the National Institute for Mental Health:

• Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” mood
• Feelings of hopelessness, or pessimism
• Irritability
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness
• Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities
• Decreased energy or fatigue
• Moving or talking more slowly
• Feeling restless or having trouble sitting still
• Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
• Difficulty sleeping, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
• Appetite and/or weight changes
• Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts
• Aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems without a clear physical cause and/or that do not ease even with treatment

Tips on how to help a loved one

It’s sometimes hard to know how to help someone you love who is suffering with depression – especially if you’ve not experienced it yourself.

If you believe someone you know and love is experiencing low mood try speaking to them about it, suggests Dr Rina.

“It’s important to approach the conversation with sensitivity and empathy,” she said.

Here are Dr Rina’s tips on how to best support someone suffering:

1. Create a safe space

It’s important to make sure you validate the feelings and experiences of your loved one, so that they feel understood and not alone.

“Encourage open dialogue and let them know you are there to listen without judgment or criticism,” Dr Rina said.

2. Educate yourself

You can read up about depression on to better understand what your loved one may be going through.

“This can help you provide informed support and reduce stigma,” she explained.

Mental health charity Mind have some good educational resources on depression on their website.

3. Encourage professional help

Try and persuade them to seek professional help from a mental health provider, if they feel up for it, the expert said.

To make things easier for your loved one, offer assistance in finding resources, making appointments, or accompanying them to therapy sessions if needed.

4. Support healthy habits

Encourage your loved one to engage in activities they enjoy, maintain a balanced diet, get regular exercise, and practice self-care.

You can even try offering to participate in these activities together to give them more support.

5. Stay connected

Make sure you keep in touch regularly, even if it’s just through 
simple check-ins.

“Offer your presence and support, and remind them that 
they are not alone,” Dr Rina added.

The NHS has created a mood assessment tool to reveal if you have signs of anxiety or depression.

It asks a broad set of 18 questions about your feelings in the past two weeks with multiple choice answers.

The Sun previously launched the You’re Not Alone campaign in September 2018, on World Suicide Day.

It helps to remind anyone facing a tough time, grappling with mental illness or feeling like there’s nowhere left to turn, that there is hope.