Kamala’s 2028 campaign already $700 million in debt

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Vice President Kamala Harris’s potential second attempt at the White House hit a disappointing obstacle this week, as the failed candidate learned that her 2028 presidential campaign was already $700 million in debt.

Following a lopsided loss to Donald Trump earlier this month, Harris had floated the idea of running again in four years after Trump leaves office but was shocked to find out that simply alluding to the possibility had run up a massive debt for the prospective campaign.

“She’ll blow past a billion before she even officially announces she’s running,” one campaign insider said. “As soon as she even considered the idea, we started cutting massive checks. A couple million on updating her wardrobe, a few million in Nacho Cheese Doritos. And we haven’t even made a phone call to Oprah yet. That’ll be at least another $10 million. She charges by the minute, you know.”