My boyfriend says he’ll dump me if we don’t spend Christmas together

DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend has given me an ultimatum: either spend Christmas with him and commit to our future, or separate for good. 

But my children think he’s a narcissist and don’t want anything to do with him. I’m so torn.

I’m 52 and my boyfriend is 56. We’ve been together for a year.

I have two grown-up children, a boy and a girl, by my ex-husband, 54. 

My boyfriend is lovely, and makes me happy – except he is very jealous and always wants to know where I am, and with whom.

He’s told me he wants to spend the whole festive period with me. But I’m supposed to be spending it with my children. 

On Christmas Day, I’ve actually been invited to their dad’s house for lunch. Although we’re divorced, we’re still amicable. 

My boyfriend said that if I go, we’re over. He says if I love him I’d want to be with him over Christmas. He also wants us to make our relationship public on social media.

He’s made it clear he doesn’t want me to be around my ex.

Both my children hate my boyfriend, saying he’s controlling and bad for me. There’s no way I can invite him.

What should I do?

DEIDRE SAYS: A man who loves you wouldn’t put pressure on you to get his own way, or want you to spend Christmas away from your children.

If they don’t like him, and he’s jealous, controlling and doesn’t trust you around the father of your children, then this should raise red flags. 

He’s trying to emotionally blackmail you. Narcissistic men generally don’t get better, only worse. 

Tell him you are sticking to your Christmas plans and suggest a compromise. Maybe you could spend Boxing Day together. 

If he doesn’t agree to it, then maybe it’s time to walk away for the sake of your long term happiness. 

See my support pack on Dealing With Jealousy for more information.