My First Ever Interaction with the Ministry of Justice – Is this normal?

A week ago I received a letter from the Ministry of Justice telling me I had unpaid fines. Not knowing that I had any fines – let alone unpaid ones – I read further.

“As of today’s date, you have a fines balance of $180.00.  This fine is on hold until 29/11/2024 to allow you time to make your request with the PIB and receive a response.

If you have any further questions, please call us on 0800 434 637. Information on our operating hours can be found on our website: justice.govt.nz/fines/contact-us/.”

Nga Mihi
Caroline
Collections Registry Officer

I decided to give them a quick call to find out more and, hopefully, sort things out. Turns out I had received a parking fine of $40 in April, and a $35 speed camera ticket in July.

The next part of the conversation was boring but through encouraging deductive reasoning I got Henry (the MoJ person on the phone) to acknowledge two key elements.

1. I had never resided at the address that the original fines, and all subsequent reminders, had been sent to.

2. No such address actually exists.

I noted I was, of course, prepared to pay the original fines when they actually arrive where I have lived since March. Clearly I thought, problem solved, home and hosed.

Me: I will pay both fines when you send me the originals.

Henry: No. That won’t be good enough. The court has already done the work you now need to pay $180.

Me: Umm … Henry … we have established (without a Jedi mind trick) that I did not create the problem.

Henry: Yes but you need to pay today with your credit card.

Me: Henry … I do not have a credit card and I will only be paying the original fine. You fix your problem. Your team were, eventually, able to find out where I actually live … but the police (despite being notified twice), and the Auckland Council, clearly thought I was still living at an address I have never lived at and that does not in fact exist. None of the three highly funded organisations thought to try an email or phone call across the 8 months. I was not in hiding.

Henry: You need to pay $180 by this Friday or we will take further action.

Me: Have you read Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams?

Henry: No. Should I have?

Me: Yes. The first three chapters should be required reading for every aspirational bureaucrat (author’s note – I acknowledge the oxymoron).

Henry: Stick to the topic. RESISTANCE IS USELESS. Pay by Friday or else.

Me: Or else what Henry?

Henry: We will add another $100 to your bill.

Me: For a problem I did not create in any way?

Henry: RESISTANCE IS USELESS.

Me: Anything else?

Henry: We will put a seize on your account and send a bailiff to your property.

Me: I don’t even know what the first part means – and what will a bailiff do?

Henry: He will look for assets to claim to match your fine – while walking around shouting “RESISTANCE IS USELESS”.

Me: Okay. Well, for $180 we have a few dozen excess eggs – the chickens are currently laying well – and I have 6 pairs of old running shoes that normally go for $20 on Trade Me.

Henry: Don’t try to be funny. RESISTANCE IS USELESS. It will be $280 by then.

Me: We have an old fridge in the garage – should be worth a hundy.

Henry. Ha, ha. RESISTANCE IS USELESS.

Today I received a follow-up brilliantly asking me to prove a negative by providing evidence that I did not receive the notifications.

“If you did not received the reminder notice, please complete the dispute form that was emailed to you, and attached evidence to support your application. As of today’s date, you have a fines balance of $180.00.  This fine is on hold until 29/11/2024”

My reply was brief.

Alwyn Poole

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