My wife loves group sex but doesn’t want to be intimate with just me

DEAR DEIDRE: GROUP sex has reinvigorated my sexual relationship with my wife.

But I’m worried we’ll never get back to enjoying just being intimate as a couple.

I’m 50 and my wife of 18 years is 48.

A few years ago, my wife lost interest in sex altogether. I found it really hard to deal with.

I tried talking to her about it, but she just said she didn’t feel the urge anymore. 

However, last weekend, something surprising happened. 

My wife and I went to dinner with some friends and, towards the end of the evening – after many drinks – my wife started coming on to me in front of the other couple.

I was shocked but also very turned on, so I let her kiss and touch me. 

Then her clothes started coming off and she whispered that she wanted to have sex in front of them.

Her friend was egging her on – it was clearly something they’d discussed before.

I was so excited after so long without sex that I forgot my inhibitions and happily went along with it. We had sex on the sofa, while they watched.

Then my wife asked if they could join in with us. We ended up spending the night there, having sex in various combinations. 

It was the most exciting night of my life. I’d had no idea my wife was into swinging and I also didn’t realise how turned on I’d feel seeing her bed another man or woman.

I’d love to do it again, perhaps even with other couples. She’s said she’d love to as well.

But although it has rebooted her libido, she still isn’t interested in having sex with me, alone at home.

I miss the intimacy we shared.

DEIDRE SAYS: While group sex appeals to you, it sounds like what you really want is to restore your sex life with your wife.

In that case, pursuing swinging could ultimately make you very unhappy, jealous and unfulfilled.

My support pack, Swapping And Swinging, explains more. 

You need to talk to your wife and tell her how you feel. Ask her to be honest about why she wants group sex, but not intimate private time with you.

Sex with one person can get mundane and boring. You could suggest shaking things up using tips from my support pack, 50 Ways to Add Fun to Sex. 

Some relationship counselling and sex therapy might really help you both. Contact Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org).