I’ve finally ditched dating apps after crude snaps of ‘little friends’ & quiz on ‘kinks checklist’…one offer made me gag
AFTER a decade of swiping, many singles are losing faith in dating apps – and I’m one of them.
According to Ofcom’s Online Nation report, platforms like Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, and Grindr have all seen significant drops in user numbers, with Tinder alone losing 600,000 users (5 per cent).
The figures highlight a shift in digital dating habits, as more people appear to be seeking alternatives outside the apps.
After my five-year relationship ended last year, I nervously reentered the dating world.
“Don’t bother,” my perpetually single friend warned. “Dating apps are now cesspools of cyber-flashers, catfishers, and Only Plans time-wasters – guys who love messaging but never want to meet up.”
Dating apps are now cesspools of cyber-flashers, catfishers and OnlyPlans time-wasters”
Georgette's friend
Curious, I downloaded classics like Plenty of Fish, Hinge, Tinder, and Happn, expecting the old fun of cheeky bios and exotic holiday snaps.
Instead, I stumbled into a sea of profiles that read more like political manifestos than introductions.
Welcome to the world of woke-fishing – catfishing’s preachier cousin.
I swiped past one guy whose bio screamed, “DON’T SWIPE IF YOU’RE A TORY.” His photos? All protest selfies, complete with placards, unwashed hair and hoodies.
That’s one red I don’t want under my bed.
Then there were the self-proclaimed Eco Warriors – less aggressive but equally cringey. Their profiles were full of green living boasts, yet they posed shamelessly with single-use takeaway cups.
The irony was almost as frothy as the foam on their oat milk lattes.
Honestly, I’d rather have the old-school braggarts back, flexing their fancy cars and pumped up gym selfies.
But if I thought it couldn’t get any worse I was wrong.
Cyberflashers and kink checklists
Two minutes later I received a private message from MrWrong.
“Say hello to my not-so-little friend,” he wrote, accompanied by a shaven pic of his member. Charming.
But he wasn’t the only cyber-flasher who crept into my inbox.
“This is how excited I am to match with you,” said another, sending me a similar image of down under.
And when it came to actually meeting up with some of these men, things got even worse.
One guy rocked up with an actual kink checklist – complete with questions like “Would you have a threesome?” and “Do you like anal?” – marking answers with a pen like he was conducting a job interview.
One guy rocked up with an actual kink checklist -complete with questions like ‘Would you have a threesome?’ and ‘Do you like anal?’
Georgette Culley
On top of that, he chose to drink Diet Cokes all night while I was knocking back the proseccos, only for him to make an unwelcome move under the table and put his hand up my skirt!
Another guy I met seemed decent enough at first but he turned out to be way too touchy-feely.
When he leaned in for a kiss, I got a whiff of his unwashed beard – and it was game over.
The experience was so off-putting it ruined beards for me entirely.
“That’s it, I’ve had it,” I told my friend over coffee. “If this is the modern way to meet someone, I’m out.”
Old-fashioned dating
So how do people meet in real life (IRL) these days? The formula hasn’t changed much: join local clubs or hobby groups, ask friends to introduce you to their hot single mates, mingle at work, hit dating mixers or try your luck at the gym or a bar.
Even striking up a conversation with that hot stranger on your morning train can work.
The transition from apps can feel daunting since rejection in-person stings a little more. But as my pal (who met her guy at the gym) says, it’s worth the risk!
Ever the optimist, I thought I’d put these old school dating hacks to the test.
Top dating trends of 2025
- Swamping: When you find someone you can comfortably share your ‘swamp’ with and let go of the pressure to be anything but your true authentic self.
- No-habiting: When you choose to wait longer to move in with your partner because you value your personal space.
- Fiscal Attraction: When you won’t settle for less and you’re seeking a match who is financially secure and who you find attractive.
- Rejuve-dating: When you cast away the blues and grow from past experiences so you can fully embrace the future of your dating journey.
- Thrift-matised: When you like to go on dates but hit that sweet spot between being cheap and frugal. Hidden gems, loyalty cards – these are all your type on paper.
- Loud-dating: Cutting to the chase, being open and to the point with what you want so you don’t waste your time.
- Marmalading: When you literally put your other half ‘before anything else’, much like Britain’s most beloved bear’s love for marmalade.
- Digital Ex-pression: The stage after a break-up when you are done grieving and turn to social media to share how you are healing to confidently get back out on the dating scene.
- Fine-wining: Proactively finding people to date who are older than you and who’ve aged just like a fine wine.
First up, I’d try and flirt with someone on public transport. Everyone nowadays is glued to their phones so it can be hard getting eye contact with someone you fancy.
Eye contact is important when flirting because it directly signals interest, creating a sense of connection with the other person, which can be more powerful than words alone.
But I quickly learnt the biggest obstacle when meeting someone IRL is finding someone you actually fancy! Like where are all hot single men?
After a few uneventful train rides, I finally spotted a guy with floppy thick hair and fortune favours the brave, so I plopped down opposite him despite the half-empty train. Cue awkward smiles and small talk over the weather, so British.
Things were going well – or so I thought – until another guy boarded, walked straight up to him and planted a kiss on his cheek. And just like that, my gaydar failed me spectacularly.
A few days later, I struck up a conversation with a tall, dark, and handsome guy at my gym.
He seemed perfect – though younger than me, which gave me pause as a single mum hoping to meet someone who understood my commitments.
Still, I gave it a shot and, after a few great dates, he invited me back to his place.
As I stepped inside, a pungent stench hit me. “Do you have cats?” I asked.
“No, my toilet’s broken,” he casually replied. “But don’t worry – you can pee anywhere in my flat… including on me.”
Er, watersports isn’t really my vibe so I made my excuses and left.
No, my toilet’s broken, but don’t worry – you can pee anywhere in my flat… including me.
One of Georgie's dates
Feeling totally disillusioned with dating IRL and apps, I thought I was destined to a life of singledoom.
But little did I know my luck was about to change.
I was enjoying a rare night out at Mahikis, West London, dancing with my friends when my eyes locked with a handsome Italian stallion.
After a few cocktails, one thing led to another, and we ended up back at his place. Not only did he have a working toilet but a heated seat – luxury!
The next morning, I couldn’t remember his name but, after breakfast, I learned he was a single dad too. He turned the Italian charm on full tap and had serious DILF energy.
Fast forward a few months and we’re still going strong. The best part? It’s all offline.
IRL is la dolce vita.