Bad Sisters Recap: We Need to Talk About Ian

The tide sure does change quickly, huh? Just last week, I was waxing on about how we should maybe “keep an eye” on Ian, and now we’re dealing with a suspiciously slick man without so much as a LinkedIn to prove his identity. His vibes are absolutely rancid in this episode with almost every scene giving us a reason not to trust him. In fact, “Who by Water” goes so hard on Ian being A Bad Guy that I’m almost tempted to call its bluff and say it’s all a ruse. Then again … agh, who knows!

It won’t be clear how well Bad Sisters pulls this mystery off until the end of the season, but it’s at least been very good at making me feel just as paranoid as the Garveys. As with last season, it seems we’ll only be able to excavate the truth from underneath a metric ton of gaslighting. Let’s unpack it all together, shall we?

First up in the “Ian isn’t who he says he is” file, there’s his reaction to the news of Angelica’s increasingly likely demise. Though the sisters are split on whether or not to go to the police, he’s adamant that they should not, accident or not. He then instructs (instructs!) Bibi, Ursula, and Becka to return to the marina and clean the boat of all the blood they apparently left all over it, because they continue to be terrible at crime. Then, while they’re scrubbing away, Ian talks his way into someone’s house to wipe its perfectly placed security camera clean of any evidence that they or Angelica were there at all.

At first, though, the chatty lady doesn’t want to let him in because “you never know — a lot of those serial killers are very good-looking.” Ian then gives a sinister smile and replies, “Do I look like a serial killer?” I don’t know, Ian, do you? Are you?! I don’t know! I feel insane!

It all feels very … natural … on Ian’s part, which is concerning in and of itself. If nothing else, he’s clearly well versed in the art of persuasion. Not for nothing, that moment combined with his final inscrutable look after Bibi’s “Who are you?” are what finally made me realize that Owen McDonnell also played Sandra Oh’s seemingly too-good-to-be-true husband on Killing Eve, and it’s to his credit that it took me this long. This guy’s really good at playing charming guys who maybe, maybe, have more to them than meets the eye.

Another development to file under “Ian Might Be a Huge Liar” includes the fact that Houlihan still can’t get a hold of the friend Ian said he was staying with after fighting with Grace. Until his alibi formally checks out, she’s rightfully remaining suspicious. Meanwhile, in Garveyland, Bibi’s futile internet search for more details on Ian leads to her pointing out that Ian apparently had only one (1) guest of his own at the wedding, and to that, I say, Okay, what? This show is usually airtight enough that I don’t get jarred by logistical inconsistencies, but I have to ask: Did no one Google this guy before Grace married him?! If my sister were a very recent domestic-abuse victim about to marry a guy with vanishingly few connections to speak of, the first thing I’d do is look him up. Hell, I might even splurge on a whole background check! For a show that hinges entirely on the principle of these sisters doing anything and everything to protect one another, this lack of follow-through simply doesn’t track, and I’m frankly having a hard time getting past it as we hurtle toward this season’s endgame.

Another notable bit of Ian behavior is his overreaction when Roger visits Eva to ask if she has seen Angelica. Even after all the trouble Ian sparked earlier by confronting Angelica outside her church, he still can’t seem to help himself from basically threatening Roger, too. Even while tangled up in her own complex feelings for Ian, Eva isn’t thrilled with his lack of finesse. “Did you have to be so hard on him? I know what it’s like to lose a sister and not get to say good-bye,” Eva points out quite reasonably — at least until Ian’s reaction makes her apologize. Even if Ian’s not some serial killer, I don’t like that at all, nor him telling Eva that she shouldn’t feel bad about them hooking up after she’s been “in a relationship with your couch and your remote control for a while now.” Though Eva eventually gives in to her feelings and sleeps with him later in the episode, in this moment she just blinks in stung surprise. That’s not a flirty neg; it’s just fucking rude.

So I understand the force of her sisters’ reaction to Eva admitting the truth, even if Bibi’s take is indeed very harsh. (“Grace is barely cold in the ground and you’re trying to jump his bones … whatever feelings you’re having for him, you better bury them like you did your sister.”) I also think it’s important to understand their connection in its inextricable context. Some widowers and those close to the deceased develop close relationships after a death for a reason: They both loved the same person, who in turn loved them, and so it becomes that much easier to love each other.

That all being said, though, while I didn’t hate the idea of Eva and Ian getting together before, y’know what? I sure do now!

Throughout “Who by Water,” Ian’s just pushing it way too hard. When Eva expresses her frustration and confusion about having feelings for him, for example, he brushes off her very real concerns with a kiss. He’s too excited by the idea of being with Eva that he either can’t or won’t understand her concerns about the speed of it all, and that worries me whether he’s a capital-b Bad Guy or not. But when the episode throws in him taking Eva to the bank to sort out a “contingency plan” in case she goes to prison … yeah, it’s safe to say we can officially be very worried about whatever it is he might be up to here.

On this point, Houlihan and I are finally simpatico. As much as she suspects the Garvey sisters of foul play, she doesn’t trust Ian’s “smiles and charm and soft, cuddly jumpers” even more. “There’s something about him,” she insists to Loftus, her internal alarm bells ringing off the hook. Unfortunately, Loftus is too busy feeling sorry for himself to allow for further messiness in this case. Having thought better of his plan to use Grace’s escape money for his own custody battle (good!), he retroactively enters it into evidence (bad!) and informs Houlihan that she must have missed it while searching the car. But Houlihan knows that if she’s anything, she is extremely thorough. “You tampered with evidence,” she has no choice but to conclude, at which point Loftus tells her to back off or else. All Guards Are Bastards, etc.

In the season’s last two episodes — can you believe we’re already here? — this all could go down any which way. Maybe Ian really is a Gone Girl mastermind who needs taking down. Or maybe Loftus is right (LOL) that it’s as simple as “Grace Reilly killed her husband and crashed her car doing a runner.” I’m not even counting out the possibility of Angelica waking up in the middle of the ocean, flagging down a fisherman, and squelching back down the church aisle to take Communion. As ever, the only way the Garveys will get through it is to trust and be honest with one another, even as it’s getting harder by the minute to cope with it all.

Loose Ends 

• This is an acknowledgment that while I wish I could use half-stars in my episode ratings, I settled on just two for this one because it really does feel like a sailboat boom crashing through the season far more bluntly than effectively.

• Also, is Ursula still addicted to pills or what? There’s a lot else going on, sure, but that’s a pretty big story line to drop the second she got caught.

• After Becka’s miscarriage scare, it’s unspoken but understood that she’ll be keeping the baby. Too bad Eva’s so frazzled that she ends up spilling the beans to Joe before Becka gets the chance to tell him herself, which isn’t a great way to start the ~ beautiful journey of motherhood ~, but oh well.

• New Houlihan lore just dropped with her likening her “bio dad” to Grace’s tortoise: “bald, angry, sex-mad …”

• Bonus points for props including actual text history in everyone’s chats, an annoying rarity on TV. (Yes, I know it’s an Apple tie-in, but the realism is appreciated nonetheless.)

• I fear I’ve become a broken record on wanting more story-line depth for Bibi, but here we go again! Namely, what does Nora think is happening right now with her wife? What’s their marriage actually like? Does Nora have her own dynamics with Bibi’s sisters? Does Bibi tell her anything? Etc.?? The fact of the matter is that Bibi’s the only Garvey in a (ostensibly) healthy, long-term relationship, and yet we still know precious little about it. Disappointing. Gorgeous house, though.

• “I get off with my brother-in-law, and it’s not even the most fucked-up thing that’s happened in the last 24 hours.”

• “Gotcha.”