I can’t stop berating my lovely partner – I find pleasure in humiliating him

DEAR DEIDRE: EVEN though my partner is a lovely man, I can’t help myself from constantly berating him.

From doing all the cooking and cleaning to buying me lavish gifts, he goes out of his way to spoil me, but for some reason, I find pleasure in humiliating him.

I’m a 34-year-old man and my boyfriend is 29.

We’ve been together two years and recently moved in together.

It’s safe to say that he is the best partner that I could have asked for and he treats me like a king, but since we’ve been living together, he’s been grinding my gears.

Everything he does is starting to annoy me, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t stop myself from being mean.

Whether I’m being ungrateful or calling him names, he never stands up for himself, and it irritates me.

Even when it comes to housework, I purposely leave a mess just to spite him.

I know my behaviour is out of order, but is it really my fault if he takes it?

DEIDRE SAYS: Your behaviour is abusive and cruel.

It’s important you take the time to understand what hidden feelings you’re experiencing that are making you act this way.

You could be projecting due to hurt, inadequacy, or embarrassment.
In the meantime, if you can’t trust yourself not to say hurtful things, put some distance between you until you can.

My pack, Have You Been Abusive Or Violent? will help you to reflect on your behaviour.