It seems like every other post I’ve come across online recently features a
parent battling sleep deprivation because their 3- or 4-year-old seemingly decided to stop sleeping over the festive period.
It’s not that they don’t
sleep at all. It’s more that they just can’t seem to stay asleep. They’re in and out of bed like yo-yos throughout the night and their parents are on their knees because of it.
I’ve seen messages from desperate
mums in our local Whatsapp group who are at wit’s end because they’re barely getting any shut-eye and are having to function on a couple of hours here and there.
“This is something I see very frequently with families of 3- to 4-year-olds, and it’s completely developmentally normal,” said sleep consultant
Rosey Davidson.
“At this age, sleep disruption is rarely about ‘bad habits’ and much more about what’s happening in a child’s brain, body and world.”
Why won’t my child sleep?!
The sleep expert explained that between the ages of three and four, children experience “huge cognitive and emotional development”.
“Imagination ramps up, separation awareness can deepen, and their understanding of time and routines is still immature,” she told HuffPost UK.
“This can show up as bedtime resistance, frequent night waking, or a child needing more reassurance to fall asleep or resettle.”
What can parents do about it?
It’s important parents don’t see this period as a regression or a failure on their part.
Davidson noted that the disruption is often linked to development, anxiety, illness, or changes in routine (for example, starting nursery or preschool, witnessing family stress, or simply being off nursery/school).
The latter might help explain why I seemed to witness an influx of pleas from sleep-deprived parents over the Christmas break.
While it can be incredibly frustrating having to get up with your child throughout the night and sing them back to sleep at all kinds of ungodly hours, remaining firm but fair is key here.
“Children need both connection and boundaries,” said Davidson. “Responding with warmth and reassurance doesn’t mean a lack of limits. Clear, predictable boundaries around bedtime actually help children feel safer and more settled – boundaries are not harsh, they’re regulating and give children a sense of safety.”
You might also want to rethink your child’s bedtime, as the sleep consultant explained: “Many children this age are asked to fall asleep earlier than their biological sleep pressure supports.
“A slightly later bedtime can sometimes reduce bedtime battles and night waking. In some cases parents are still trying to get their children to bed at the same time they were as babies (i.e. 7pm).”
Davidson recommends having a predictable routine to support good sleep – obviously the holidays might have disrupted this a fair bit so it’s worth focusing on getting this back to normal in the coming weeks.
But it’s also important to have a bit of flex. “Consistency without rigidity is key,” she added. “Predictable routines support sleep, but flexibility is important during periods of heightened need.”
It’s also important to remember that factors such as “emotional load, screen use, daylight exposure, physical activity, and connection during the day all influence sleep at night”.
“I always encourage parents to zoom out and look at the whole child, rather than trying to ‘fix’ sleep in isolation,” added the sleep expert.
“For most children, these phases pass with support, reassurance and realistic expectations.”
Good luck!
