The Golden Rule Doesn't Work in Marriage

We have always been taught the golden rule since we could understand words and concepts. For those of you who aren't quite sure what I am talking about it is this: Treat others the way you would want them to treat you. This is a great value to have growing up because it teaches us empathy. It enables us to put ourselves into someone else's 'shoes' and try to imagine what the other person may be feeling in any given situation. I teach my own children this as well. It helps them see how others may feel in many different scenarios. The world could use more empathy. However, this doesn't seem to work in marriages.

I have seen so many times a spouse trying to get their partner to understand how they feel by giving examples, such as: "This may help you get how I feel... say you were trying to tell me about your day and I just looked at the TV and didn't pay close attention, wouldn't that make you angry?" The other person's response is usually something like, "First of all, I don't usually do that. When you are telling me something I can also have the TV on and still listen to you." This is not what the person wanted to hear. They want their spouse to say back something like, "It makes total sense to me why you would be angry with me, I would hate if you did that to me, so I won't do that to you anymore." Ahhhh... the angels sing and life and love go back to being perfect.... Oh, wait, that isn't how marriage goes!

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