Non-alcoholic Beverage of the Week: Mitra9's got kava and kratom seltzers, but your mileage may vary

Welcome back to FTW’s Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.

I’ve been interested in kava for a while. It’s all thanks to a cargo cult.

There are communities in Vanuatu, the South Pacific archipelago, that once served as staging grounds for Allied troops during World War II. These makeshift bases brought new products and technology to the islands — giant supply caches, vehicles, food and shelter unlike any most of the natives had ever seen. In some cases amongst isolated groups, they wait for the return of these outsiders and the goods air-dropped from heaven. Such is the legend of John Frum.

That’s where I first heard of kava, the root that grows in volcanic soil and is used as a low-key narcotic. It’s distilled into a muddy beverage in Tanna, where the Frum followers live, and imbibed by men after sunset in an effort to tap into hazy messages from outside worlds. And now, you can get it in a slim-fit can and walk around with it like you’re sipping a White Claw.

Mitra9, a Florida-based company, is tapping into a growing market of non-alcoholic, mood-enhancing beverages currently headlined by THC seltzers. Kava is legal in the United States as a diet supplement. Mitra9’s other offering, kratom-based seltzer, is legal in most states but not in my home market of Wisconsin. Fortunately, I’ve got friends and family elsewhere, so I was able to imbibe it without breaking the law in Missouri.

My history with kratom, by the way, isn’t nearly as academic. I hadn’t heard about it until Glenn Howerton drank it on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Great episode by the way. Perhaps the best in years. Still, “the featured drug of a sociopath” maybe isn’t the best endorsement. You should avoid being Dennis Reynolds, five star man, whenever possible.

Let’s see what Mitra9 has to offer, whether it takes any good and, importantly, whether or not it can deliver on the relaxing, anxiety-reducing and borderline euphoric effects listed on the can.