A Day in the Life of Mr. and Mrs. McMaga

By Sharon Synowsky

Pa and Ma wake up to their alarm. Now that their area has WiFi, they retired the wind-up alarm clock and finally got cellular phones and a home computer. Mr. McMaga uses the WiFi to log onto his newly gotten Truth Social account. Finally getting WiFi has opened up the world to them from home instead of having to go to the damn Commie library! Hell, Pa can now watch Fox News on his phone AND computer. He’s tempted to get rid of the damn Commie-owned, overpriced cable.

While Pa is reading the “Truths” of his lying cult leader, Ma is in the kitchen preparing breakfast. It’s a big day in the MAGA house. Missy McMaga is moving out on her own, FINALLY! Her student loan was paid off somehow, the debt just seemed to disappear! Missy said she just had to fill out some forms and POOF! Ma thinks to herself, “My daughter is pretty smart, figuring out how to get out from under that debt. Wish she’da done it sooner, she coulda been on her own for years already.” Ma hums to herself as she plates up breakfast for her family. As she pulls the creamer out of the fridge, she’s careful not to bump Pa’s insulin. They’re able to afford a three-month supply of it now that it’s only $35 a month.

As the family of three sits down for their last breakfast together, Ma says to Missy, “I am so proud of you! My daughter the nurse, finally spreading her wings and getting her own place! I just wish you hadn’t decided on living in Westin. It’s such a long drive!” Missy wipes her mouth and says, “Not anymore, Mom. With funding from the Infrastructure bill, the state was able to fix the West End bridge. Cuts the drive in half.” Ma smiles and shakes her head, thinking “Gosh, Ms. Marjorie is workin’ so hard for us! On top of impeaching all the evil deep state criminals, she’s out here fixin’ our roads!”

Pa grunts, belches, then puts his phone down, having finished reading an article about Trump in the New York Post. He asks Ma, “When does Bubba Junior start his new job at that tech whatcha call it place?” Ma chuckles and exclaims, “He starts on Monday.” Ma tells Missy, “He’s going to be making those little thingamabobs that go in phones and computers!”

Pa gets up from the table, kisses Ma on the cheek and says he’ll see her later. Missy asks him where he’s going. “I’m takin’ your Uncle Ned to the V.A. They finally agreed to treat his ‘brain fog’ or whatever is goin’ on up in his head. Damn Commies, took ‘em long enough. Man spent three years fightin’ in Afghanistan, burnin’ shit in ‘em big ol’ pits, but he couldn’t get help a-fore now.” Pa hitches up his pants, grabs his keys and heads to the door. Just then there’s a knock…

Pa opens the door and standing there is a smiling young man with a clipboard.

“Good morning, Sir, my name is Caleb and I’m a volunteer with the Biden/Harris campaign. Can President Biden count on your vote this November?

Pa says, “Hell no, Biden ain’t done NUTHIN’ done for us!”

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