Terrified my ex-husband is going to drink himself to death

DEAR DEIDRE: Leaving my ex-husband was the right thing to do, but I’m consumed by guilt.

The end of our marriage has devastated him, and I fear he is going to drink himself to death.

I’m 41 and he’s 48. We were married for 13 years but didn’t have children.

Our marriage wasn’t unhappy but I became dissatisfied and distant.

When I fell for another man, who is 43, at work, I knew I had to end my marriage.

I thought my husband realised we had grown apart. But when I told him I had met someone else and wanted a divorce, he appeared blindsided.

Since then, he has fallen apart. He became depressed and started drinking every night. I finally left eight months ago to move in with my new partner.

I hoped my ex-husband would start to move on with his life, but he seems to have got worse.

He won’t talk to anybody, not family or friends. Obviously, he won’t talk to me, as I’m the reason for his misery. I still care about him and feel terrible.

I lie awake at night, thinking about how much I’ve hurt him, and feeling terrible. What can I do?

DEIDRE SAYS: It’s distressing to watch someone you care about fall apart, especially when you feel responsible for their pain.

But you didn’t deliberately hurt him. You did what was right for you and, ultimately, for him. Staying married would have made you both unhappy long term.

He was clearly unable, or unwilling, to see things weren’t right between you, just as he now isn’t able to deal with his feelings.

Ask a friend or family member to contact him and encourage him to get some counselling.

My support pack about this will help, as will Problem Drinker. Also read Feeling Guilty, which may help you to cope with your feelings.