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Things I Would Never Know If I Didn’t Have a Seven-Year-Old

Whether there’s something in my teeth.

Whether my breath smells like fish after eating fish, or whether it smells like fish anyway.

Whether I look older now than I do in any given picture.

Whether my stomach is sticking out.

Whether I’m yelling.

Whether there is a slight chance someone may discover that I’m wearing underwear.

Which shirts make me look wide.

When anything jiggles.

Whether I should just give up.

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