I have spent so much time alone since divorce I worry I have a social phobia
DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER divorcing 20 years ago, I have become so used to being alone that I have no social life.
I am a 61-year-old single man. I will do anything to avoid social situations as I find it scary to go out and socialise.
The thought alone makes me feel edgy and clammy.
I think I have developed a kind of social phobia.
I really want to change this because I’d love another relationship.
But I realise I’ll never find anyone while I am holed up in my house day after day.
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After so long being alone, I think I am nervous about doing or saying something wrong and being judged.
Also, I worry I will make a fool of myself. How can I stop this?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: The fact you are now content spending time on your own is a good thing, but there is a balance.
If you are shy, eye contact can push you outside your comfort zone but it is a social skill that helps build trust.
When you’re anxious, you might want to run away but the more you avoid social situations, the more your anxiety and fear will grow.
Try taking small steps. Could you go for a cup of tea with one friend and start to build up your confidence?
The more you push against this anxiety, the more you’ll see you can overcome it.
My support pack Shyness And Social Anxiety has useful tips.