X Sends a Cease and Desist Letter to a Former User

“X filed a lawsuit on Tuesday against the Global Alliance for Responsible Media, a coalition of major advertisers, claiming that it had violated antitrust laws by coordinating with brands to dissuade them from spending money on the social media platform.” — New York Times

August 8, 2024
RE: Cease and Desist from not using X

Dear Former User of X/Twitter:

On April 17, 2023, you submitted a request to deactivate your X (then Twitter) account after previously blocking user @elonmusk, adding the words “elon musk” to your muted-words list, and systematically blocking all blue-check-verified users as well as all companies advertising on the platform.

These actions constitute an illegal one-person boycott that infringes on our client’s constitutional right to free speech, as well as his right to monetize that speech in several ways, and has caused him irreparable harm. To wit:

Our client has had to expend extra effort to juice the subscriber numbers in an effort to persuade advertisers that his platform was a viable means of reaching consumers in spite of all evidence to the contrary.

Our client has been forced to walk back his demand that advertisers “go fuck themselves” and resort to legal threats in order to reinstate his revenue stream, causing him embarrassment and effort that would otherwise be spent sharing flaccid memes without attribution.

Our client has been forced to reinstate the previously banned accounts of hundreds of the worst people on the planet to make up for the shortfall in subscribers.

As a result of your departure from his platform, our client has been forced to interact exclusively with not only the previously mentioned worst people on the planet but also his sycophants, including but not limited to the CEO of Twitter/X.

WE HEREBY DEMAND THAT you immediately cease disparaging the platform as “an untreated toxic cesspool of white male fragility and the brands that cater to that,” reinstate your account, follow @elonmusk, like at least 20 percent of his tweets,¹ pay eight dollars per month for a verified blue check, and vote for Donald Trump in November.

Sincerely,
Latundan Cavendish, Esq.
Cavendish, Gros Michel, and Plantain, LLC

¹ We recognize that posts on the platform are probably no longer called tweets, but “Elon Musk’s x’s” brings up a frankly concerning relationship history, and we’d rather not get into that.