Increasingly Concerned Tim Walz Asks DNC Volunteer Where Giant Corn Dog Stand Is

CHICAGO—Grabbing the worker’s sleeve and stopping him in his tracks, an increasingly concerned Tim Walz reportedly asked a Democratic National Convention volunteer Tuesday where the giant corn dog stand was. “Excuse me, sir—I seem to have missed the jumbo corn dog stand,” said the Minnesota governor and vice presidential nominee, who explained that he had walked seemingly “everywhere” around the event venue and still had yet to come across a single place where he could purchase the foot-long, deep-fried food. “I hope I’m not too late. They didn’t run out already, did they? Gosh, that would be just awful. Say, while you’re at it, I’m parched. Could you also point me in the direction of the lemonade shake-ups?” At press time, Walz had reportedly missed his own speech while walking laps around the United Center in a frantic search for corn dogs.

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