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Noah Kahan, the singer-songwriter behind “Stick Season,” has topped the Billboard 200 chart with his new album, The Great Divide. The Onion shares everything you need to know about Kahan. Genre: Barn wedding Influenced By: Growing up listening to oldies like Hozier and Bon Iver  Fans Call Themselves: Empaths Signature Hairstyle: The Crucible  Ideal First […]

NEW YORK—Expressing resentment as the evening dragged on into its fifth hour, actress Zoë Kravitz was reportedly upset this week after fiancé Harry Styles hit it off with her mom a little too well. “I’m glad they found something to talk about; I just assumed the conversation would be more about me, or at least […]

The post What Are We Doing After Graduation? appeared first on The Onion.

The bride and groom spent Sunday under the impression that they were cementing their union in the eyes of God, who unfortunately was busy watching a Frasier rerun at the time.

LOS ANGELES—In a desperate effort to get production of the animated film sequel back on schedule, Garfield Movie 2 director Mark Dindal reportedly begged lead voice actor Chris Pratt to stop ad-libbing Bible verses Thursday. “The line is ‘Is that lasagna I smell?’ not ‘A companion of gluttons shames his father,’ ” said Dindal, storming into the […]

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to ensure his good deed did not go unseen and unappreciated, customer Angus Helms waited until the barista was watching to disarm a gunman at Highland Ground coffee shop, sources confirmed Tuesday. “Dammit, she’s still got her head down to empty out the cash register for this guy, and if I grab […]

WASHINGTON—Claiming that his signature dessert had garnered rave reviews from victims and co-conspirators alike, President Donald Trump took to Truth Social on Tuesday to share the recipe for his famous “Better than Pedophilia” cake. “This decadent, easy-to-throw-together cake will be the star of any child-trafficking meetup you bring it to, and just like pedophilia, once you […]

GameStop bid $56 billion to purchase eBay, hoping to challenge Amazon and other ecommerce platforms with the bold offer for a company with a market capitalization over four times greater than its own. What do you think?

Mountain-climbing enthusiast Derek Sanders, 37, tragically fell to his death Friday on the escalator of an REI.

This warm, cozy home is move-in ready and features a pile of 100,000 acorns gathered by the previous owner. Reference #882011