Everyone In Restaurant Jealous Of Toddler Who Gets To Wear Pajamas And Watch iPad

ALBUQUERQUE, NM—Expressing their envy at the child’s obviously superior dining experience, everyone sitting in a local restaurant Monday was reportedly jealous of a toddler who got to wear his pajamas and watch an iPad for the whole meal. “I can’t believe this! He doesn’t even have to talk to anybody or pay attention to what’s going on around him—he gets to just sit and watch Bluey,” said Ray’s Italian Bistro patron Finn Delamore, echoing the sentiment of dozens around him who reportedly couldn’t help but cast longing looks at the 2-year-old whose eyes were glued to the screen in front of him, his hands clasping a bright red toy fire truck. “Look at him sitting there in those comfortable jammies, laughing his ass off at Bandit and Chilli as he chows down on little pieces of cut-up chicken. Meanwhile, I’m in my stiff dress shirt, making stilted conversation and eating osso buco like an asshole. What I wouldn’t give to trade places with him.” At press time, onlookers had become even more jealous after the toddler got to relieve himself without even having to walk all the way to the restroom. 

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