Kamala Harris Struggling To Button Pantsuit After Month Of Hanging Out With Tim Walz

WASHINGTON—Saying that she was probably just bloated from the milkshake, grilled cheese, and deep-fried Oreos her running mate had ordered them both for breakfast, Democratic presidential candidate Kamala Harris struggled to button her pantsuit Monday after a month of hanging out with Tim Walz. “Hoo, buddy, I know Tim and I have been eating a lot junk food lately, but this jacket is starting to feel a little bit tight,” said an exasperated Harris who, after staring at herself in the mirror, flexing her abdomen, and still being unable to pull her blazer within an inch of closing, added that she probably shouldn’t have eaten that last jumbo double-battered corn dog Walz had gotten her. “I guess I never noticed it, but Tim is always offering to split pork chops, casseroles, and funnel cakes pretty much wherever we go. Plus, he loves his afternoon marshmallows. But I’m sure I’ll burn it off in no time. How many calories could there be in one bacon-wrapped donut sandwich?” At press time, Harris had given up trying to get her pantsuit to close and opted to wear an XL Big Dawgs T-shirt to her presidential campaign rally instead.

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