‘You’re The Bonnie To My Clyde,’ Says Biden Running Off With Pardoned Turkey

WASHINGTON—Participating in the annual tradition one last time before leaving office, President Joe Biden reportedly told a pardoned Thanksgiving turkey “You’re the Bonnie to my Clyde” on Monday before running off with it and disappearing over the horizon. “It’s us against the world now, turkey,” said the commander-in-chief, grabbing the bird by the wing and laughing wildly as the two of them fled the White House grounds in a convertible, the turkey’s handlers in hot pursuit. “They’re going to keep coming after us, you know, but I’ve got your back, and I know you’ve got mine. It’ll be just you, me, and the wide open road, together until the end. Don’t worry, I’ve got a cozy little place in Delaware we can hide out in until things die down.” At press time, Biden urged the turkey to take the wheel so that he could fend off the Secret Service agents on their tail.

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