Familiar Sayings Updated for the Next Four Years

Don’t bite the hand that feeds you McDonald’s.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him use an all-gender bathroom.

It takes a village to run the Department of Government Efficiency.

Two wrongs do make a right-wing conspiracy theorist.

Wow, that costs an arm and an egg!

The early bird gets the brain worm.

When the going gets tough, the tough google “how move country?”

Childless cat lady got your tongue?

Fool us once, shame on us. Fool us twice, shame on us.

It’s not whether you win or lose; it’s how soon you find a coping mechanism.

Keep your friends close and your friends with disaster shelters closer.

The road to hell is paved with the President’s Collectible Trading Cards.

Honesty is the worst policy.

People who live in White Houses shouldn’t throw tantrums.

They’re barking up the wrong coconut tree.

It’s like taking candy from a baby you were forced to have.

The ball’s in your Supreme Court.

You made your bed; now you have to tell lies in it.

He’s throwing caution to the windmills.

If at first you don’t succeed, try to blame the elimination of the Department of Education.

We’re hanging on by the skin of our non-fluoridated teeth.

Money talks; wealth whispers, “Thanks for the huge tax cut.”

It’s always darkest before the post-election family dinner.

It’s like a Fox host guarding the henhouse.

Better never than late.

Birds of a feather get sick together because they’re unvaccinated.

You can teach an old dog new crimes.

Where there’s a will, there’s a way Will has an opinion about what women should do with their bodies.

RFK Jr.’s curiosity killed the cat. And the bear. And the dolphin.

Bad things come to those who are Gaetz.

If only an apple a day kept Dr. Oz away.

Where there’s smoke, there’s a former reality star saying, “Yuh fired!”

Lie down with dogs, wake up with Elon as your best friend.

Crypto doesn’t buy happiness.

Reach for the moon—even if you miss, you’ll land among the Border Czars.

Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst things you’ve ever heard a president say.

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, because the future of IVF is uncertain.

There were plenty of fish in the sea.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder of five children by three different women.

Home is where the heart has irregular palpitations (thanks to yet another breaking news story).

Absence makes the heart miss Biden.

One man’s junk is the reason a cabinet member is in trouble again.