Justin Bieber Forgets Wife’s Name

LOS ANGELES—Staring blankly at the 27-year-old woman sitting across from him, musical artist Justin Bieber told reporters Thursday that he had forgotten his wife’s name. “I’d just keep saying ‘babe,’ but I think she’s starting to catch on,” said Bieber, who admitted that he had “zero clue” whether the woman he had been married to for the past six years was a Hadid sister, Patricia Arquette’s daughter, a former Disney Channel star, or someone else. “I know I said it after our vows years ago, but after a while, it just goes out the window,” he continued. “Oh, God, she’s looking right at me. What is it, Harley? Holly? Hattie? Pattie? No, Pattie’s my mom’s name. I’ll just ask my manager to introduce himself to her in front of me. Shit, what’s my manager’s name?” At press time, Bieber was reportedly googling “Justin Bieber wife” under the table.

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