"In last night's Democratic primaries in Oregon and Kentucky, Bernie won Oregon. No surprise there---if you look at it on a map, Oregon is pretty much as far left as you can get. Meanwhile, in Kentucky, Hillary Clinton declared victory after winning by less than 1 percent. So there's another 1 percent for Bernie to be mad at."
---Stephen Colbert
"So Clinton won Kentucky and Sanders won Oregon, and now this will be settled by whose supporters can be most annoying on Facebook. Good luck, everybody."
---Jimmy Kimmel
---Trevor Noah
”Donald Trump had a big meeting with Paul Ryan in Washington. They discussed Republican principles. It was a short meeting.”
---Bill Maher
"In California a white supremacist has resigned from being a Donald Trump delegate. When asked why, the white supremacist said, 'Because that guy's crazy.'"
---Conan O'Brien
"Conservatives around the country have been introducing 'bathroom bills' which they say will prevent people from posing as transgender and sneaking into bathrooms to attack kids. So I guess their point is: if you're a pedophile and you were born a man, you're not allowed to sneak into the women's room and attack girls. You've got to stay in the men's room and attack boys."
---Colin Jost, SNL
And two years ago this week:
"A British ice cream maker has created a new flavor of ice cream that mixes champagne and Viagra. Perfect for anyone who wants to eat something that tastes like Donald Trump's burps."
---SNL's Cecily Strong
Quick note on our poll: because we weren't here to post one last Friday, a couple significant choices from the previous week are included. This decision has been approved by the Justice League, so if you don’t like it, take it up with Aquaman.
Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
