‘Transformers’ is so awful, really, just lousy

At other times, the machines are fighting people, and these fights go on and on. The soundtrack blares, soars and thunders, and there’s also clanking, grunting and the occasional explosion. [...] it’s all about as exciting as watching two drawings fight each other on a computer monitor. [...] on occasion one machine will indicate, in a roundabout sort of way, that he opposes the continuation of human life on Earth, whereupon the other machine will come back with a pithy riposte. Entire areas of the planet have become pretty damaged, and more Transformers are landing on Earth every day, and we don’t know why. Apparently, there is another planet out there that is dying, but they have these robots, see? — these living, talking machines — and those machines have a plan to revive their world. The Last Knight is narrated by Anthony Hopkins and actually begins with a pre-credits sequence set during the Dark Ages, with a battle between King Arthur and some rival power. Director Michael Bay films ancient combat as though it were World War II — things actually blow up, which is a neat trick. In Chicago, he makes friends with a group of kids, including a 14-year-old girl named Izabella, played by a talented young actress, Isabela Moner, whose emotions are close to the surface. The Chicago section of the film goes on forever, until the grim suspicion grows that the intention here was to make a 2½-hour movie at any cost, even with only 90 minutes worth of material. The Last Knight goes back to being a lot of noise and nonsense, with every line of dialogue sounding as if it’s coming out of a pinball machine. Why give an audience one plane crash when you can give them five? In one scene, Hopkins sneaks into 10 Downing St. and forces a meeting with the prime minister, who is played by Mark Dexter, an actor who’s a dead ringer for David Cameron.